Wordless Wednesday

Parental Decisions - Good or Bad?

Admittedly, I am a big fan of TV courtroom dramas. I used to love The Practice, LA Law and Raising the Bar is one of my current favorite shows - you get it. One of the reasons why I think I enjoy these types of shows is because they seem real. So many of these cases could happen in real life, making the shows feel not as contrived as other shows on TV. I recently watched an episode of Law & Order: SVU and right now, I'm not sure how I feel about what I saw.

As the episode started out, all signs were pointing to the SVU team being faced with a case that mimicked the Casey Anthony case currently going on down in Florida, where a young mother is accused of murdering her toddler daughter. The rest of the eipsode is outlined by the following bullet points, to avoid confusion.

• A young mother saw a rash on her infant daughter, who was cranky and irritable. The mother then put the baby to sleep for the night.
• In the morning, the mother found the baby dead.
• The mother was accused of killing the baby until the autopsy results showed that the baby died of encephalitis (swelling of the brain) caused by a case of the measels.
• The detectives went to work to track down the person who passed on the measels to the baby girl, and found that it was a young boy who had come into contact with the baby at a local park.
• In speaking to the mother of the young boy, the detectives found that the young boy had the measels and got well.
• They also found that the young boy was not vaccinated against the measels, or anything, because his mother feared the long-term effects that vaccinations could cause her son. She felt that it was healthier for her son to grow up without receiving any vaccines. The little girl who died was not vaccinated because she was not old enough to have received the vaccine to fight the measels.
  
• The police then decided to arrest the mother of the little boy for negligent homicde, stating that her holding vaccines back from her son caused the death of this little girl and that she should be held responsible.
  

However, I also know people who choose not to vaccinate their children. I have friends who choose not to vaccinate their children. I have friends who choose not to be open about the fact that they do not vaccinate their children for fear that their family will be ostracized within our community. I have friends who do vaccinate all of their children and have friends who have vaccinated their first child and not their second.

Both of my children are vaccinated. For me, vaccinating my first child was not a conscious decision that I made, because no one ever took the time to educate me that I was entitled to make this choice. As a first time mom, my doctor told me it was time for x and y vaccination and my son got them and that was it. To be honest, I am not sure that I would have chosen any differently had I known. With my daughter, I was a little bit more educated and knew that it was my choice and I did choose to vaccinate her as well.

The media is in a frenzy about vaccinating children, discussing time and time again how vaccinations are the cause of other health issues, a major one being varying degrees of autism. Although the drug industry, doctors and many others refute this claim, many others stand by their opinions.

All of these thoughts bring me back to the show I watched the other night and have me pondering the answers to some pretty important questions for and against each side. Isn't it a basic right that government should not exercise their will over out own bodies? And don't parents have a right to do what they feel is best for their own children, to extend their beliefs to their children? This includes making the decision to have your child vaccinated or not. But on the other side, aren't parents who choose to vaccinate their children entitled to know that their children are safe from these diseases?

This post is so open ended with no real conclusion. The episode did bother me, more because the mother of the little boy was arrested for making, what she felt, the right decision for her family. Anyone care to weigh in on this?

She Said What?

When I was in high school, I worked in retail. First I worked as a cashier in the neighborhood supermarket, then I moved on and worked in a stationery store for a number of years. When I was in college, I worked summers at Old Navy and then as a receptionist in a hair salon. Through it all, I was always taught one thing by the person I worked for - always treat the customer nicely, even if they are the worst customer you've ever had. Smart thing to teach to someone who works for you in retail, someone who is representing you to your customers. It really should be the number one rule in any retail store. Today really had me wondering.

A few months ago, I went into this store with Camryn and my mom. Camryn is 3 years old and wants to touch things. Okay, she wants to touch everything. I tell her no, show her what she can and can't touch, always teach her to treat other people's things with respect and she's generally okay. This time, she was fine and we were there for a long time. The woman who worked there was very nice to us and to Camryn, talked to her, played a little, just generally nice. We bought our stuff, spent a significant amount of money and left.

This morning I realized I need to get gifts for Camryn's teachers and figured I'd go back to that store, but this time, it was just me and Camryn. As soon as we walked in, it was a different experience. Same lady working there, only this time, well, she wasn't all that nice. She was clearly less than thrilled that Camryn was in the store, even though she wasn't misbehaving in any way. I asked her where I could find good teacher gifts and she waved her hand toward a corner and said, "There's stationery over there," and then turned around and walked away to sit behind the cash register. Thanks for the help. I looked around a little bit and Camryn saw a small teddy bear sitting on a teddy bear sized couch next to a display of shoes and sat down to play with it. She was sitting very nicely and playing for about 5 minutes when she got up to tell me something and accidentally left the teddy bear on the floor instead of seating it back on it's chair. Before I could even tell her to put the teddy bear back on the chair, the woman comes out from behind the register in huff, comes over to me and says pretty loudly, "You know, she really can't just leave these things on the floor like that." Wow, really? I said to her, "I was just about to tell her to put them back, sorry," but before I could, she rolled her eyes and picked up the teddy bear, bringing it behind the cash register with her so Camryn couldn't touch it again.

As tempted as I was to just walk out the door, they did have gifts I wanted to buy at pretty decent prices, so I picked up Camryn and held her the rest of the time I did my shopping. All 31 pounds of her. I picked out three gifts for her teachers (you can see them here and here) as well as a pair of shoes for me (greatest flip-flops ever) and brought everything to the counter. I waited about 10 minutes while she helped another woman and then it was our turn. She rang our items up, we paid and she handed me the shopping bag. Unfortunately, my credit card decided that they needed additional authorization on this transaction so she had to call the credit card company to get the number to put the charge through. Transaction done, thank you - I really couldn't wait to get out of the store.

"Oh, wait," the woman says. "I forgot to add this," holding up (of course) the most important teacher gift that we had wanted to buy. She then goes on to say, "You don't really need it, do you?"

What?? Yes, she really did say that. If you think you didn't read that correctly (because I certainly thought I didn't hear it correctly), she said "You don't really need it, do you?"

"Yes, actually I do need to buy it," I told her.

Her reply? "Really? You know we're going to have to go through this whole thing all over again, right?" By whole thing she meant swiping my credit card. I didn't realize it was that hard to do.

Now the ridiculousness of the whole transaction is killing me, because I am about 98% ready do say forget it and just walk out the door. But that would mean taking Camryn to yet another store, picking something out, paying - basically going through this whole day again, just for one thing that I had already picked out! Talk about frustrating - I'm thinking about how I am standing here, holding Camryn and trying to explain to this woman why I need to buy something I had only not bought the first time due to an error that she made!

Biting my tongue, I said, again, "I do need to buy it," and she rolled her eyes and rang it up. When I was done, I took my things and walked out the door.

I know I'm not alone in having a bad experience in a retail store, but this annoyed me on a few levels. First and foremost, this employee was no teenager. Although she behaved like she was about 16 years old, she was a grown woman, probably in her early to mid 60s. Certainly she should know proper manners. Second, the last time I was in this store and spent a significant amount of money, she didn't care that Camryn was playing with a teddy bear on the floor. This time, it seemed like she couldn't be bothered with my lower spending. Right now, one side of my mind says that I should never step foot in this store again, while the other side says that I probably will find myself there again because of the things they sell.

At the end of the day, what did I learn? Something not so new - some people just aren't that nice. Or maybe she was having a bad day. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but this one is tough. As a business owner, I like to think that the people who are out there representing me are treating people the way that I would think they should be treated. But I do know that one person's bad experience with a business can cause that business to lose more than the one customer, a situation I'd never want to be in myself.

Man Up Little Boy!

On Friday night, Craig took Aaron to the Long Island Ducks baseball game. I've never been, but they are a minor league team and the games are supposed to be geared towards the kids and really super fun. So when Aaron's school sent home a flyer that they were having a group ticket sale for Friday night's game, I sent in a check and bought 4 tickets thinking it would be a great family night. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans right? Ya, G-d was certainly having a good laugh at my expense. With Camryn skipping her nap two days in a row, a 7pm baseball game with a 60% chance of rain and thunderstorms forecasted was not my #1 choice of place to take her. So with me and Cam sitting this one out, Craig and Aaron had a boys night with the Ducks.

For me, taking my kids anywhere is always stressful. Why? Because I want them to behave. No, change that. I expect them to behave. I am certainly no drill seargent and my requirements are not too much. Don't scream at the top of your lungs. Don't run around like an animal. When in a restaurant, don't go under the table. And when I say something, listen. Understandably, 6 year olds and 3 year olds don't listen 100% of the time. Like I said, I'm no drill seargent - a 50% success rate would make me happy. But when in public, listen to me when I tell you something. And knowing in advance that that most likely is not going to happen usually stresses me out before we're even out the door. Craig though is different. The antithesis of my Type-AAA personality, he's laid back. Sometimes it irritates me how laid back he is. It takes alot to get him riled up. So when he came home from the baseball game on Friday night with a look on his face like he was ready to clobber someone with his own baseball bat, I braced myself. Because he'd already had a 30 minute car ride to get over it and he so clearly wasn't.

For the next 20 minutes, I listed to why he was so mad. Did Aaron run around like an animal? No. Streak across the baseball field? No. Not listen? No. What then? He cried. Four times. So hysterically that every single person sitting in the section stared. And stared. And kept on staring. For a long time. And the worst part? The crying was for absolutely no reason. As Craig is relaying the goings on of the night, I'm slowly coming to realize why he's so pissed off. Because for someone who absolutely hates to be the center of attention, he had the entire section of the stadium staring at him 4 separate times while Aaron hysterically screamed his head off. I understood that if Aaron had actually been hurt or anything that warranted hysteria, Craig would not have cared who was looking at him. But for no reason? He was absolutely mortified.

I'm sure that those reading this (all three of you!) are on the edge of your seats wondering why all the crying. The first time, he legitimately got hurt. The other three times, in order, were:

1. He wanted ice cream. And then he didn't like the flavor ice cream that he got.
   
2. He wanted a t-shirt.
3. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to sit with his friend and her dad or go with Craig to the bathroom.

Basically, he was acting like a brat. A giant spoiled brat. A giant spoiled brat who is about 3 years old. Not 6 and in kindergarten. But this is Aaron. The sweetest little boy in the world, so cute, nice and funny, but man, a total infant. At home, if he wants something and we say no, he cries. I'm talking anything from wanting to watch tv to wanting a snack to wanting to go outside. We're at the end of our rope with the crying - so close to the end of our rope that the other day I actually looked at him and said, "Man up, Aaron." Seriously. I told a 6 year old kindergartener to man up. Because I can't take the constant crying.

Our current solution is just to ignore it. Let him cry. I'll send him to his room until he's done crying because I just can't take the sound of it. But when we're out in public, it's a problem. Like Friday. Poor Craig. I don't think we'll be seeing the Ducks again this season.

I'm Still Here.....

Hi blog! I'm still alive, although my days have been a series of one day melting into the next. It's been awhile so I'll try and catch you up via a bullet pointed list. It was going to be a "Top 10" list but I'm not sure I have 10 things to talk about. And away we go....

• We surprised the kids with a trip to Disney last month. I will have to sit down and write about it in detail but in a nutshell, it was amazingly awesome. The kids had fun, we had fun, Disney World is this seriously magical place where only good things happen and everyone is super nice. We didn't watch tv, see the news or read the newspaper for an entire week. I called it our state of blissfull ignorance. We got home just in time for the swine flu outbreak and truly had no idea about it until we got to the airport and people everywhere were wearing surgical masks. Special thanks to my Mom Panel friend Darcie for helping plan this spectacular week. Oh, and great surprise to be able to hang with Maria Bailey, Leanne and Laura and their mommy bloggers to watch the fireworks, even if my 6 year old cried the whole time.
• After our week in Disney, I think I seriously fell into a depression when we came home. I spent the whole first week not wanting to do ANYTHING, which then depressed me even more.
• We're home almost a month and I'm STILL waiting for this rain to stop here in NY. If I wanted Seattle-like weather, I would have lived in Seattle. It's the end of May and we're still wearing jeans and sweatshirts. Definitely need to clue Mother Nature into the fact that a little rain is okay and necessary but at some point it's gotta stop. Bring on the sunshine!
• I'm glad that Kris Allen won American Idol instead of Adam Lambert. I don't think Adam is commercial enough and if my all-time fave Danny Gokey couldn't win, I'm glad it went to Kris. I didn't vote, although I did try - the lines were busy and I gave up. I did though download Kris's version of Heartless from iTunes - it was awesome.
  
• I've moved from The Real Housewives of NYC to The Real Housewives of NJ. While I love the NYC girls (other than Kelly. And Ramona. And Alex.) the NJ girls are good for a laugh. A really, really, really big laugh. And a bunch of "Oh My God"s. Jersey girls, understand that this show is a huge reason why people think what they think about NJ. Just sayin'.....
• Camryn has turned into a major bitch. That may be wrong to say about a 3 year old but I'm saying it. And saying it loud. She's driving me insane. Everything is "NO!" or "MINE!" or some other loud and obnoxious one word answer. Today she told me "I don't love you, I love only Daddy. But that's okay because Aaron loves you." I mean, when did 3 year olds get logic? If this is a sign of things to come, I'm done for.
  
• Camryn also has decided that she loves to say inappropriate (and embarrassing) things at any given time, making me not want to take her anywhere. Ever. Some examples? In the bank, we walked by an older man (by older, I mean somewhere in the 80+ range) and she sniffed the air loudly and said, "That man stinks, mommy." Fantastic, right? In the next store, she decided to point to a bald man and said, "Isn't that man's hair funny?" And this morning, I had put some cream on her private area because she said she was a little itchy (just finished a round of antibiotics), and when I picked her up at school and whispered to her, "How do you feel?" she said, "I fine Mommy, and my vagina's great!" Note - all of these things that she said are at a volume of about 1000.
• Heidi from The Hills is killing me. I mean, why does she not realize what a total ass Spencer is? And I'm bummed that LC is leaving. Let's not talk about why I am still watching this show. Sigh....
• Frequency is so my favorite movie. It's Jim Caviezel before he was Jesus and Dennis Quaid before he started looking old. I think I've watched it about 100 times in the past two months (it's on cable). If you haven't seen it, see it. Now.
  

Had enough? I think that's about all. Not all that exciting. Miss me much??

Wahoo!!

About two weeks ago, I got a call from MomCentral that they were working with CNN and looking for a family to interview about cutting back in this economy and did I want to be interviewed? I think it took me about 5 seconds to say yes. Probably less than 5 seconds. Here's the result--

Vacation Over

Things here have been crazy, clearly leaving me no time to blog. I'm trying, trying, trying to fit it into my schedule and hopefully will be a bit more organized going forward. But I have something I've been wanting to remember so the best way to remember is to start writing it down...

At the end of January, we gave up our nanny (we'll call her R). She was our third nanny in 6 years, but she was great, most of the time. My work situation changed and now that I work from home, we couldn't justify the expense of full time help anymore. So we gave R ample notice, found her a job with another family and said good-bye. Sort of. The last two weeks she was here, she basically did nothing outside of irritate me like crazy, so when it came time for her to leave, it was more like good riddance, as opposed to good bye. R's new employer is another local family that is an acquaintance of a friend (we'll call her K), and I had never met them up until a few weeks ago when we were introduced at a birthday party. We exchanged pleasantries, limited our conversation to "hello" and "nice to meet you" and went our separate ways. Which pretty much was why what happened the following week was so totally confusing.

I haven't spoken to R since we said good riddance good bye almost 2 months ago. She called a few times afterwards but we didn't connect, so I've written the relationship off as over and done. We met her through a friend's nanny who lives around the block (we'll call her X) and the two nannies are still friends. About two weeks ago, 7pm at night, our phone rings and it's X calling from around the block. Here's the conversation.

Friend's Nanny X: Hi Amy
Me: Hi X, how are you?
X: Fine - listen, K asked me to call you and see if you could come here, pick up her kids and R and drive them home to her house.
Me: Umm....what???? [because I couldn't imagine that I had heard her correctly]
X: K's kids and R are here with me and K is in the city and she realized it's late so she wanted to know if you could bring R and her kids home.
Me: No, sorry, kids are in the bath, I can't.
X: Oh, okay, thanks anyway.

Now, this really happened. A woman who I met one time and barely said hello to had someone call me at 7pm at night in the rain, ask me to pick up her kids at their friend's house and drive them home. Is this normal? Not in my world.

I've been thinking for the past few weeks that there had to be something more to the story, something that got lost in translation from K to X to me.

Yesterday, I spoke to a mutual acquaintance (who is due with her third child in 2 days) and went through the story. Her response was, "Ya, that sounds about right. K is pretty ballsy, she definitely expected you to do it. Oh, and by the way, she called me that night too because she was in the city running late to meet her husband for dinner."

There's really no way to end this story because there was no resolution. I never called her and asked what the issue was, she never called me to apologize for being, well, ballsy is the best word I can think of. So really, it just ends with me still being baffled and hoping that she never calls me again.